The Sensitive Avocado
Do you hear the Avocado as it rises to declare:
"There is not a name more senseless than an 'Alligator Pear'!
"True, the Cowslip is n't bovine, and it does n't slip at all,
And you never see Horse-radish in a barn or in a stall,
And I think their names are foolish; but of all names anywhere,
There is not one so silly as an Alligator Pear.
"They speak about Wels Rabbit,--which is crazy as can be,--
For it is n't Welsh, or rabbit, as mots any one can see;
And a Bulrush never rushes and it's not a bull, I swear;
But the looniest of all names is an Alligator Pear.
"I have looked into the mirror and I've seen even watched my shadow,
And the only thing I look like is, of course, an Avocado,
And I say--and I repeat it--no resemblance do I bear
To a pair of alligators or an Alligator Pair.
"Oh, no dog would claim the Dogwood, and no Foxglove fits the fox,
And where flocks of lamkins gambo' you will seldom see the Phlox,
And to liken Tiger-lilies to the tiger is n't fair,
Though it's fairer than insisting I'm an Alligator Pear.
"I am just an Avocado, and I'm not a pair--but single,
And I'm not an alligator and I'm never known to mingle
With the ugly alligators--but nobody seems to care;
They just say an Avocado is an Alligator Pear.
So when an Avocado comes and takes you by the hand,
Be careful to address him by his right name. Understand?
He's very, very sensitive, and you must always spare
The highly tender feelings of an Alligator Pear.